It's a good thing that urine is sterile

Attention parents:  I will pay $5,000 to anyone who can come to my house and potty-train my kids.  I don’t want advice or encouragement.  Please just come here and do it for me.  Because I am a dismal failure.

The stats as of Aug-31-11:

• 8+ mths of potty training
• 6 potty training bootcamp week-ends
• 1 kid still in diapers
• 1 kid in undies…mostly
• 2 pee accidents per  day… minimum
• 0 poops in the potty for Charles…not once… in 8 months.

C and B have hit all their other milestones without much effort, which is unusual for twins and we know that we've been fortunate.   But it makes this potty training thing all the more frustrating.  To paraphrase Go the F*ck to Sleep:  How come you can do all this other great shit but you can’t walk to the freaking bathroom and pee?

A childhood friend had an uncaged pet rabbit.  I was pretty disgusted at how Mr. Flopsy would hop around the house pooping little rabbit pellets randomly on the carpet.   Well, that's pretty much where Charles is at right now.  Until very recently, he didn't even notice that he had to go, much less could he hold it long enough to make it to the potty.  This I can understand though - he can't help it.  It's just taking a little longer for his bladder to mature.

Becca on the on other hand, I can't figure out.  She was doing great back in June but now... regression city.  She's fine as long as she's bare-bummed.  But put pants on her and she has an accident about 50% of the time.  It's hard to motivate her. She'll tells me she WANTS to wear diapers and be "a tiny little baby."  I've tried all the usual things like stickers, candies, potty dances etc.  Even warnings that she can't go to preschool until she's trained.  Nada.

Logically I know they aren’t tormenting me intentionally.  Every child develops at their own pace and you can’t force it until they're ready. Blah blah blah.  But lately I'm starting to suspect they ARE doing it on purpose. 

Things hit a new low last night.  I was walking past the pantry and found Charles standing on a stool in front of the freezer with the door open.  He had a huge grin on his face, his pants were around his ankles and he was PEEING INTO THE FREEZER!!!

WTF!?!  What would possess him to do such a thing?  And more importantly, how do I get him to do it in the toilet??   Perhaps I should be happy.  He did recognize that he had to go and he pulled down his pants first.  That's a big step forward....right?

Greg had to step in to deal with the aftermath and talk to Charles about it.   I was too busy hiding in the bedroom so C wouldn't see me doubled over with laughter.

Sadly, I didn't get a photo of Charles caught in the act.  Instead here is another pic of him at the freezer (recklessly helping himself to a freezie).    You'll just have to use your imagination to picture the peeing part.


Scissors + wobbly stool.  What could go wrong with that?

Have a good long-week end everyone.  The weather here looks great for one last trip to the beach for the kids and maybe some binge drinking for mommy and daddy.


Cheers!


PS: I did throw out most of the food from the freezer....but not all of it.  Do keep that in mind if you ever drop by for dinner.